


Like a Light

by MoonSmoothUp



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Caregiver/little, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Daddy Dom little boy, Daddy Dom/Little Boy, Disability, Disabled Character, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Health Issues, Health problems, Healthy Relationships, Little Space, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not exactly polyamory, Out of Character, Physical Disability, based on my illness with liberties, caregiver little, ddlb, illness not specified
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10701597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonSmoothUp/pseuds/MoonSmoothUp
Summary: Daehyun, Yongguk, and Himchan have been friends and roommates since college, but their life is a bit complicated.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
>  **DISCLAIMER** **:** DDlb is a BDSM Dom/sub relationship in which the 'Daddy Dom' takes on a caring and protective role and the 'little boy' has child like tendencies. **DDlb or any other similar relationship is not incest or pedophilia**. The dom is not actually your parent nor do you see them as such. And it's not pedophilia because there is quite a difference between an adult getting aroused by children and a consensual relationship between two adults where one is caring and protective and the other has child-like tendencies. And DDlb does not have to be sexual. It all depends on the people involved. **This particular portrayal is non-sexual and platonic.** If after all this you still think negatively and are even _thinking_ of posting something rude, I beg of you to just leave. Your comment will be deleted and you will be promptly blocked. 

It was Friday morning, and Yongguk was heading into the kitchen. He'd already checked on Daehyun, his little, who was sleeping peacefully, propped up on pillows and cuddling his favorite stuffed animals. Considering his back and neck problems if he slept any other way, Daehyun slept on pile of pillows that kept him tilted and as comfortable as possible. He also slept with a mask over his eyes, often waking up from changes in light without one.

Daehyun was chronically ill, he'd been born with these problems and they only got worse with time. And even though he'd been born with them, he wasn't diagnosed until he was nineteen, so years went by and he didn't have treatment. But, now at the age of twenty-six, Daehyun was on medication, saw doctors, and did physical therapy to help him cope. He still dealt with pain every day, but his support system made things if only a little bit easier.

Yongguk had stood in the doorway for a few moments after checking on the boy, cooing internally at how cute he was. When Daehyun had gone to bed the past night, he hadn't been in little space, but Yongguk very quickly had noticed upon looking into the room that Daehyun was sucking on his pacifier in his sleep. The younger must have grabbed it one of the times he'd woken up in the middle of the night. He wanted to go and hug the adorable boy, but he knew the younger needed sleep, and so he left the room quietly.

When Yongguk arrived in the kitchen, Himchan - the other man the two lived with - was already cooking breakfast. Himchan had awoken a good while before him. It was typical that Himchan and Yongguk would get up earlier than Daehyun, unless the boy's insomnia was acting up. Daehyun was an artist and worked from home anyway, unlike the others, so there wasn't a need to get up at seven.

“Morning, babe.” Yongguk said, coming up behind the cook and wrapping his arms around his waist.

Yes, Yongguk and Himchan were together.

Despite having a caregiver and little status, Daehyun and Yongguk weren't involved romantically. Daehyun was asexual and aromantic; he just needed to feel taken care of sometimes. More often than not, feeling little purely happened because of external reasons and his own personality, but there were rare occasions his illnesses made him feel sad and helpless enough to slip away into that space. Though, it was more common that a bad pain day would just mean Daehyun was grumpy and didn't want to get out of bed.

Yongguk, however, loved to take care of people and feel needed. The fact that Yongguk loved Himchan deeply, and that Daehyun didn't need anything more than friendship with his caregiver, made everything perfect.

Some people in Himchan's situation might be jealous of the bond Yongguk and Daehyun shared, but Himchan was glad they had it. Daehyun and Yongguk were his best friends, and he couldn't be happier that they could depend on each other for that. He was thankful, because Yongguk gave Daehyun the emotional support he needed, and Daehyun gave Yongguk something Himchan couldn't; somebody to baby.

Himchan wasn't exactly a caregiver to Daehyun, but he did find the younger's little side extremely adorable, and cared for him in any way he could.

Himchan smiled, looking over his shoulder briefly and pulling Yongguk back to reality as he murmured, “Morning, Bbang.”

Yongguk's response was kissing Himchan's cheek, smiling against his lover's skin.

“Okay,” Himchan chuckled, wiggling around in Yongguk's hold, “you're cut off! Don't make me burn the food.”

“Love you.” Yongguk couldn't help but laugh, kissing Himchan's cheek again before going to set the table.

“Did you check on Daehyun?” Questioned the cook, glancing up at the wall, first to the clock and then to the calendar. It was nearing eight am, and Himchan needed to leave for the restaurant he worked at around nine. He looked to the calendar after that because there was a red dot and some words written on a the third square of the next week; one of Daehyun's doctor appointments that loomed on the horizon.

“Yeah,” Yongguk nodded, distributing plates across the table. One of them was plastic and rather kiddish. “He's out like a light.” The elder continued, grabbing utensils and cups, “And he's probably gonna be in little space.”

Himchan's next question contained only one word, “Pacifier?”

“Yep.” Was Yongguk's instant response; Daehyun was infamous for needing his soother if he woke up in the middle of the night in pain. Yongguk couldn't exactly blame the boy, though he _did_ wish Daehyun would come get him if things were particularly bad.

Within a few minutes, as Himchan was turning the heat on the stove off, soft footsteps sounded through the apartment. The two older men turned towards the doorway, where Daehyun was now standing, clad in his pajamas, teddy bear in arm, still suckling on his pacifier. He had bags under his eyes, expression sleepy and slightly confused.

Himchan was actually the first one to react, opening his arms in invitation, wondering, “How come you're up, Daehyunnie?”

Daehyun mumbled something incoherent as he padded over, knees making a popping noise as he went. Soon, his arms were wrapping around Himchan's waist.

“Words, sweetheart.” Yongguk reminded him, coming up next to Himchan. Daehyun looked up at him over Himchan's shoulder, sleepy eyes lighting up.

“Dowgy 'ipping.” The youngest slurred behind his pacifier. The two other men knew exactly what he said though, having years of experience to learn the garbled language of Daehyun's little space. 'Doggy yipping,' he had said, referring to the dog that lived one apartment over (the one Daehyun's room happened to be right next to). The littlest sound could wake the boy up, and Yongguk was very seriously considering investing in some ear plugs for him.

“How about some breakfast then?” Himchan suggested, pulling away from the hug. His hands were resting gently on Daehyun's shoulders, smiling softly. Daehyun only shook his head, mumbling something that sounded like 'not hungry' before closing the short distance between him and Yongguk, hugging the eldest next.

Yongguk quietly sighed; Daehyun used to love food, but lately he'd had a complicated relationship with it, due to stomach issues he'd been having. However, before getting into anything about food, Yongguk smiled at the boy, running a hand through his hair. “Morning, sweetheart.” Yongguk said, lifting Daehyun in his arms.

“M-Mowning 'addy. Mowning 'yungie.”

“Morning, Daehyunnie.” Himchan responded, kissing the youngest's forehead. He then turned back towards the stove, ready to serve the pancakes he'd made.

Yongguk, meanwhile, set Daehyun down in his chair, in front of the reddish-brown, paw print shaped plate, complete with a plastic fork and the boy's favorite sippy cup. There was no denying the sudden light in Daehyun's eyes at the sight.

“Can you eat just a little bit for me, sweetheart?” Yongguk wondered, kneeling down to Daehyun's height. Daehyun pouted, shaking his head softly, lifting one hand away from his teddy bear and holding it up. It was trembling and his were fingers slightly curled, his body's instinctive reaction when his fingers ached.

“Your fingers hurt, baby bear?” Yongguk asked, getting a soft nod as confirmation, “Well, what if I fed you instead?”

“Pwease.” Said the youngest.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Yongguk murmured, pressing his lips to Daehyun's cheek before he was standing back up.

One of the limits between them all was kissing. Himchan and Yongguk weren't comfortable with Daehyun kissing either of them on the lips, but it wasn't even something Daehyun liked. To quote, he thought that 'adult kissies' were 'yucky.' Cheek and forehead kissing, however, was acceptable and liked by all three parties. But Daehyun loved it most of all when somebody would press a kiss to the top of his pacifier. It made him giggle no matter how sad he was.

“Bbang,” Himchan interjected, looking over his shoulder at the two, “how many?”

“Three for me, two small ones for him.” Replied Yongguk, rounding the table and kissing Himchan's lips before anything else. “Thank you for breakfast, babe.” He smiled, continuing with, “I'll get the drinks, you sit.”

Soon, Yongguk and Himchan had coffee in their mugs, Daehyun had water in his sippy cup, and they all had syrup drizzled across their pancakes. The three were seated at the table, almost in a row. Yongguk and Himchan along one of the long sides, while Daehyun was around the bend of the rectangle table, closest to Yongguk.

"Come on, sweetheart, if you're gonna eat, I need your paci for a bit." Yongguk was saying, trying to coax the youngest, who was pouting and shaking his head. After a minute or so (with many laughs from Himchan at Daehyun's profuse refusal), the soother was finally set on a napkin, and the eldest began cutting the pancakes into small bits.

Out of habit, Daehyun reached for his pill case, which sat in the center of the table. His elbow made a loud cracking sound as he did so, but they all pretended they didn't hear a thing

  


Soon, Himchan was leaving for work, kissing Yongguk sweetly and giving Daehyun a lingering hug and pat on the head.

"Don't get into too much trouble." He teased, smiling a toothy grin.

Daehyun shook his head, looking appalled at the thought.

When Himchan was gone, Daehyun had turned to Yongguk. The youngest's head tilted to the side as he wondered, "Daddy go too?"

"No, sweetheart," Yongguk shook his head, leading Daehyun over to the couch so he could sit comfortably, "Daddy has the day off."

With that, Daehyun was clapping his hands together softly, wiggling excitedly in his seat as he squealed; it wasn't often that Yongguk had a day off during the week. He was relieved, though, that today happened to be his day off; neither he nor Himchan really liked leaving Daehyun alone when he was little.

“What do you want to do today, sweetheart?” The elder questioned, reaching for the TV remote as he did.

“Draw~!” Daehyun exclaimed, smiling widely as Yongguk set the channel to a kiddy one with cartoons.

The elder chuckled in amusement, expecting that as an answer; besides coloring books and crayons (which he loved in little space too), Daehyun liked to doodle. Sometimes he would just do it aimlessly, but other times he actually looked back on the pictures and found inspiration in his big head space. Yongguk figured that, since Daehyun's hands were hurting today, he'd just scribble pretty colors lightly and aimlessly.

He ruffled the younger's hair, holding the pacifier up to the boy's lips. Daehyun squeaked loudly, opening up immediately, and fell back onto the couch dramatically once the soother was between his lips.

Yongguk couldn't help but laugh at his antics; even in pain, Daehyun was cute and happy.

  


Daehyun ended up back in his big head space right after lunch and - much to Yongguk's dismay - was now overworking himself. He'd gotten an idea for a painting, and instantly started working on it. He'd braced both of his wrists and wore his ring splints in an effort stabilize his hands and work through the pain.

Whenever Yongguk would try to coax him away from his work station, Daehyun's response was just, “Can't, have to finish this piece.”

The elder even tried calling him “baby bear,” considering that was Daehyun's biggest trigger for little space. That only got Yongguk ignored.

It wasn't until five o'clock that Daehyun took a break. He wasn't finished, though, he insisted that he'd work on it more that night. Yongguk gave him a look in that moment, raising his eyebrow, and Daehyun backtracked. “But not after ten.” He amended quickly, putting his hands up in surrender.

Yongguk couldn't help but smile affectionately, silently hugging Daehyun. “How you feeling, Dae?” He wondered. Soon, the younger shrugged against him.

“Eh, like every other day. Not great, not terrible.”

Yongguk glanced at the clock nervously; one of the things he promised himself he'd do today was restock their groceries.

“Would you be okay for a while if I go to the grocery store?” He wondered, looking back to the younger man in his arms.

Daehyun shook his head, “I want to go with you.”

“Shouldn't you rest?”

Daehyun punched him in the arm, which actually quite hurt due to the metal ring splints the younger was wearing. “I haven't been out of the house in almost two weeks, hyung.” He said, arms and expression crossed.

“Are you sure?” Yongguk questioned. He was not entirely convinced Daehyun was feeling up to it today; he saw the way the younger was wincing the more he moved around.

“Yes.” Daehyun practically whined, squirming as tried to escape to his bedroom, “I want fresh air.”

Yongguk chuckled, letting Daehyun go, and the younger almost instantly went hurrying off.

  


Yongguk did have regrets about agreeing to bring Daehyun out with him. About halfway through the grocery store, he noticed Daehyun wincing with every step, leaning against the cart more and more as time went on. He wasn't wearing his ankle supports or his knee braces, and not noticing that earlier had been Yongguk's biggest mistake.

They went through the rest of the store as quick as they could, settling in the checkout line that was annoyingly long.

Daehyun breathed a ragged breath out his nose, teeth clenched as he leaned against Yongguk's side. Silence lingered between them like a heavy fog, but the arm around Daehyun's waist was enough comfort in that moment. Words weren't necessary.

  


The drive home had been rough, despite the car's soft seats and the neck pillow Daehyun always brought. Not to mention, Daehyun was looking more and more sleepy as time went on.

When they got home, Yongguk left the groceries in the passenger seat, going around to the back. The sound of the doors roused Daehyun from his half asleep state. “Come on, sweetheart,” the elder murmured, lifting Daehyun into his arms, “let's get you nice and comfy.”

“Hyung... groceries.” Mumbled Daehyun, reaching his arm out towards the car as Yongguk carried him away.

“Shh,” cooed the eldest, “I'll get them in a bit, baby bear.”

The bit of resistance Daehyun had before was gone in an instance. His shoulders slumped and arms went limp around Yongguk's shoulders, babbling ever so quietly against the elder's neck.

When the elevator doors closed behind them, cutting them off from other people in the lobby, Daehyun let out a loud whimper. “Miss Channie hyungie.” He whined.

“I miss him too, baby bear, I miss him too.” Yongguk rubbed a hand across the younger's back.

The rest of the time they spent going up to the apartment passed in silence, until Yongguk was heading into Daehyun's bedroom, the younger still in his arms. “Can Daddy help get you comfy?” He asked, “Or do you want to do it yourself.”

Daehyun shook his head at the second option, muttering, “Daddy... help, please.”

Daehyun was normally very independent with getting dressed, unless he was either feeling extremely small or extremely bad. It took a lot of time for Himchan to be okay with his boyfriend helping Daehyun get dressed, actually. That, and a lot of trust, but Himchan knew that neither of them felt that way about each other.

Yongguk sat the boy down on the edge of his bed, proceeding to hurrying around the room, collecting things like a tornado. Soon, after Daehyun had stepped out of his shoes and jeans, Yongguk was helping him into a plush and loose turtle onesie, holding it at the waist so Daehyun could pull his shirt off and slide his arms through the sleeves. Yongguk then proceeded to button the front up, smiling at the cute turtle boy.

Then it was time for the braces and night-time medication. That morning, the boy had been a lot less fussy about his routine, but it seemed that now - sleepy and sore - he didn't care for it _quite_ as much. Daehyun was whining pitifully by the time Yongguk got his knee braces on, and tight metal rings off. The wrist braces stayed on, though, because Yongguk had a feeling the boy's wrists would hurt like hell if he did. Before they left the room, Yongguk made sure to slip the boy's pacifier into his pocket. The soother had been on the nightstand, where Daehyun left it before he'd begun painting earlier that afternoon. It was probably needless to say that Daehyun would not be continuing his painting that night.

“Medicine yucky.” Daehyun complained as the elder carted him off into the kitchen.

“I know, sweetheart.” Yongguk replied, patting his back. Though, Daehyun _did_ take each pill with a sip of water and no complaints. Yongguk gave him many praises after that, telling him that he did a wonderful job, and the two padded off into the living room.

“Does my baby bear want his paci?” Yongguk questioned, earning an immediate nod and a whimper.

Daehyun's mouth opened in a sleepy yawn as Yongguk snatched the object from his pocket, and surprised the youngest by silently placing the rubber end between Daehyun's still yawning lips. Suddenly, Daehyun was going cross-eyed, looking down in confusion before he giggled.

"Can you sit down and relax for me, sweetheart?" Yongguk asked at last, "So Daddy can get the groceries?"

Daehyun nodded, wide-eyed, and sat down on the couch.

“I'll be back in a few minutes to tuck you in.” Yongguk smiled, lingering for a few more moments.

The man was soon in the elevator, going down to the first floor and out to the parking garage. Something that made Yongguk very happy was that, as he was getting the groceries out of Daehyun's car, Himchan pulled into the parking garage.

“Need some help, stranger?” Himchan questioned, sauntering over with a big, goofy smile.

“Welcome home, babe.” Yongguk said, pulling Himchan into his arms.

“Welcome to the parking garage.” Himchan chuckled, kissing Yongguk's nose. That prompted Yongguk to kiss Himchan's lips in response.

Between them, carrying the bags was a breeze, and their hands were intertwined as the went back up to the apartment.

When the two finally made it back inside, Daehyun was sitting on the couch. Himchan an audible coo out at the sight of the youngest in his turtle onesie, with his teddy bear and zebra print blanket (two things he didn't have with him when Yongguk went downstairs). The noise brought Daehyun's attention to the doorway, he exclaimed a slurred version of “Channie hyungie!” and rushed over to hug them. Though, it seemed that he quickly realized how full their arms were, and stopped a foot away from them.

“What am I, chop liver?” Yongguk teased, chuckling in amusement.

“Hai 'addy.” Daehyun stuttered, twiddling his fingers shyly and smiling behind the paci.

Yongguk was given the task of putting the groceries away, considering Daehyun had whined and asked for Himchan to read him a bedtime story. Himchan was more than happy to oblige (after, of course, Yongguk confirmed that Daehyun had brushed his teeth).

As the second oldest carried the boy off to the bedroom, he felt the familiar hard plastic of the knee braces against his hips. He didn't say anything, though, because it was, sadly, normal to have the onesie clad boy strapped up in braces.

  


“Daehyun asleep?” Himchan wondered. After reading him a story, he'd made his way to the living room as Yongguk bid the youngest good night.

“Out like a light.” Yongguk responded, settling to Himchan's right, leaning against his lover's side. He breathed out a sigh, tracing patterns across Himchan's thigh.

“Rough day?” Himchan's hand came up under Yongguk's chin, gently tilting his boyfriend's head up. Their eyes locked, and Yongguk nodded.

“He overworked himself, and then he didn't wear his supports to the store. And I didn't notice.”

“Don't blame yourself.” Himchan's eyes were suddenly sad, and he pressed a kiss to the corner of the elder's mouth, then one to his lips. “I wish he didn't have to deal with this, too.”

The two lovers stayed there for a while, cuddling. The light was turned off in time, and the TV on. The only light that remained in the room was of the dim movie and the moonlight through the windows. The silhouette of the lovers was illuminated in the soft light, and the only sounds that reminded were the whispers of the TV and the kisses the two shared.


	2. D-Daddy

It was dark and quiet when Daehyun woke up laying on his mountain of pillows. He clutched teddy bear closer upon realizing that _everything_ hurt. He was covered in so much pain that he wanted to cry.

“D-Daddy.” He croaked out a broken whisper, realizing very quickly that he desperately wanted the older man. Quickly, though he came to realize the flaws in that plan and stopped himself before he called out louder. 

He wanted his Daddy _so_ much. He wanted the man to hold and cuddle him and tell him it'd be okay; that they'd get through it. But Yongguk had gone to bed with a bad headache, and was sleeping in the next room with his lover, Himchan. He hated disturbing them on a normal night, so he couldn't, in good conscience, wake Yongguk up.

So, no matter how much he hurt and wanted Daddy, he only held his teddy tighter, took his paci, and readjusted his position in hope of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Idk what I'm doing tbh. A few nights ago, I was in too much pain to fall asleep, and this idea came to me. I have other things in progress, and I wasn't initially planning to write anything for this, but I'm going to anyway. Writing things in this au is almost therapeutic to me because I wrote Daehyun to be similar to me, gave him similar health issues, practically my little personality, my sexual orientation, and (at the time at least) something similar my friend situation. Heck, I even gave him my biggest passion.**
> 
> **I don't know why I'm ranting, but I'm thinking I might write more here, even if it's only on occasion.**
> 
> **And not everything is going to be fluffy and happy, so I understand if some of you wouldn't want to continue reading. This just got really personal, and I get it. But, those of you who decide you do want to continue reading, I guess I hope you enjoy. I'm gonna shut up now and go because I'm fairly sure this note is now the same length as the drabble.**
> 
> **And, it feels weird to type this, but thanks for listening xD**


	3. Go away, please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the end of a hard day, Daehyun has a small emotional breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warning:** mentions of  stomach issues, self hatred, and mental health issues (all of these non-graphic)
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely **[subway_streets](http://archiveofourown.org/users/subway_streets)**

Everything wasn't always perfect and peachy all the time and today had been a very, very bad day. Daehyun was in _agony_. His joints and muscles felt like they were on fire, felt like they were being torn apart. He could barely get out of bed, and when he did, he was only able to hobble to the bathroom to get sick. Because, oh yeah, his stomach issues were also acting up, which meant he could barely keep any food down.

There _were_ times where Daehyun could be happy on bad days. It wasn't easy, but could enjoy himself; he could find distractions or things he could handle, with a bit of effort. The thing is, though, bad days could also mean trouble for his mental health. He'd dealt with depression in the past, and it was mostly under control, but being depressed or sad was easy with all he dealt with.

So, for the first time that day for something that wasn't the bathroom, he got up from bed. He closed his bedroom door, locked it, and returned to his mountain of sad blankets and pillows. Grabbing his stuffie, burying his face into one of the pillows as he felt tears sting his eyes.

It was nearing the end of the day. He could feel the emotional breakdown coming on. Yongguk had stayed home with him, trying to help him in any way possible. He hated that. Yongguk shouldn't have to take days off work for him. No matter how much the elder tried to convince Daehyun that he _wanted_ to do these things, the younger felt like he was a burden.

It was then that the first tear fell from his eye, dripping from his cheek onto the bed below. And, from the other room, Yongguk was stirring. Daehyun had been napping for awhile, trying to regain some his strength. That was why Yongguk came down the hall at the sound of the door, and Daehyun heard a knock soon.

“Daehyunnie?” Came Yongguk's voice, “Are you awake?”

“Go away, _please_.” Daehyun called, biting back sobs before he shoved his face back into the pillow. His hands were gripping the sheets, loose in his aching fingers, teddy bear pressing the buttons of his pajama shirt painfully into his chest. He still was not comfortable at all, and hated that he was taking up even more of Yongguk's time. A sob tipped over his lips.

“Sweetheart, you know I won't. I’ll do anything you need. Daehyunnie, just _please_ let me in.” Yongguk pleaded, leaning back against the door, sliding to the floor.

“No, pl- _please_ just go a-away! I d-don't wanna b-bother you any- more.” He couldn't control his voice anymore, water and salt falling to his pillow. And, despite, feeling like the lowest scum of the Earth, he wanted the older man. He wanted to be held and reassured, but it only made him cry harder. He felt so _selfish_.

“We don't have to talk about it, not if you don't want to.” Yongguk said, and Daehyun heard a soft thud against the door. The man had stood back up, pressing his hands to the door. That only made Daehyun look up a little, sniffling, but it was the elder's next words that really convinced him.

“Can I just come in and hug you? I'd like a hug, you know... and I love you, baby bear, so much.”

Daehyun slid out of bed, padding over cautiously, and unlocked the door. He almost fell into the elder's arms, pushing his face into Yongguk's shirt. He stumbled over another cry, more tears cascading from his eyes, and he gripped the taller as tight as he could. “ _I'm s-so sorry_.” Daehyun sniffled

“Don't apologize, sweetheart,” Replied Yongguk, scooping the boy up into his hold, “you can't help being sad. It's okay, it's healthy to get it out.” He made his way to Daehyun's bed. The younger was in his lap, sideways, and not daring to look up.

He didn’t have the energy to muster up an answer until a few minutes of crying had passed. “Doesn't feel healthy.” Daehyun muttered at last, “Just makes me... sad and angry.”

“What are you angry at, baby bear?” Yongguk wondered, taking Daehyun's chin between his thumb and forefinger in the most gentle of ways.

“Myself.” Daehyun sniffled. Then the words, his feelings, just came flooding out. “I'm the reason you can't have a normal relationship with Hyung.” Daehyun's tears had mostly run dry, and he had an easier time speaking, but the words were still rushed, “You shouldn't have to take time off work just to take care of me. I should be able to do things for myself. I should- I should… I shouldn’t be selfish, but I am.”

“Oh, Daehyunnie.” Yongguk whispered. He wiped the few remaining tears from the boy's face, before tugging him closer.

“I don't wanna be sick anymore.” The younger said, words muffled into Yongguk's shoulder.

“I don't want you to be sick either, sweetheart, but just remember this,” Yongguk began threading his fingers through Daehyun's hair, choosing his words meticulously, “Himchan loves you just as much as I do. And I don’t want you to be sick, but not because I’m tired of taking care of you. I want you to have an easier life. How long have I known you?”

“Seven years.”

“Been your best friend?”

“Seven years.”

“Now how long have I been your Daddy?” Yongguk continued.

“Six years.” He admitted.

“And how many years have I been your caretaker officially?"

“Almost four and a half.” Daehyun muttered.

“But how long have I been looking after you?”

“Ever since you met me.” Daehyun finished with a sigh, pulling back from the other man's embrace.

“I love you, okay?” Yongguk replied, brushing the younger's bangs to the side, before pressing a kiss to Daehyun's forehead.

“I know, just hard to remember sometimes.” The boy's tears seemed to have run dry for good, hopefully at least. “I’m trying.”

“I know, that’s all I want.” Yongguk murmured. “Is there anything I can do, Daehyunnie?” He scooted away from the younger now that he wasn’t crying. He knew that, more often than not, Daehyun needed his personal space to collect his thoughts.

And he did. Daehyun paused, rubbing his eyes, thinking and sniffling. He reevaluated how his head, body, and stomach felt. His body was still aching ferociously, but his stomach felt if only a little better than before he fell asleep that afternoon. He wasn't filled with quite as much hate towards himself, mostly just sadness. And, suddenly, he felt a little small, after this entire ordeal. It probably having to do with the constant nicknames and the way Yongguk was constantly dotting on him. For a split second, he thought about resisting switching headspaces, but he _knew_ that wouldn’t help anything at all. It was then he looked up at the elder, replying, “M'hungry, Daddy.”

“Come on then, baby bear,” Yongguk stood, offering his hand to the boy, “I'll make you some soup.”

Daehyun grabbed his teddy off the bed, wincing as he stood. “Up?” He wondered, pleading, “Please?”

Yongguk only smiled, hoisting the boy up as carefully as he could. So, with the boy's head tucked into his neck, Yongguk carted Daehyun off to the kitchen. There were still whispers of guilt in the back of Daehyun’s mind as he found himself comfortable in the man’s arms. Everything, still, was not perfect, but it was better than before. He was _trying_.

In the kitchen, Daehyun was set down in his normal chair, along one of the shorter sides of the rectangle table. Once free of the elder’s hold, he wiggled around a bit, finding the most comfortable position before leaning back.

“Okay?” Yongguk wondered, kneeling down so he wasn’t towering over the other. Daehyun nodded in reply, which prompted him to ask, “Chicken ramyun?” Again, Daehyun nodded.

Yongguk quickly got to work. The younger was a bit nervous, having had issues with eating anything all of that day. His relationship with food was complicated; he wanted to eat, knew he had to, but sometimes his body didn’t agree. These issues made some foods he used to love, seem disgusting. The good thing was that soup was easy on the stomach, and soothing in general. It gave him if only a little bit of hope. It was also quick.

Within minutes, Yongguk had the pot of soup boiling on the stove. Stepping away, while keeping a close eye on it, he set the table. Daehyun was silent as he watched, biting his nails. Yongguk flashed him a smile, which he couldn’t help but return.

Soon, ramyun was divided into their bowls, and Yongguk was sitting around the bend of the table, somewhat in front of Daehyun. He let his hand rest atop the younger’s, which was trembling ever so slightly.

“Nervous.” Daehyun admitted, chewing on his bottom lip.

“Just take it slow,” The elder told him, “see how it feels.”

“Okay.” He replied. Yongguk was soon taking the spoon that he’d laid out for the younger, submerging it in the bowl of soup. The elder held the spoonful of broth to Daehyun’s lips, smiling with the utmost encouragement.

Reluctantly, the younger took the offering and drank the small amount he’d been presented with. Both of them froze after that, Yongguk’s hand still midair, as Daehyun shut his eyes and took some time for introspection.

After a minute or so, he suddenly looked up at Yongguk and smiled wide. “Tastes good. No weird rumbling.”

“Want some more, baby bear?” The elder wondered, adoration in his eyes. At Daehyun’s nod, he dipped the spoon back into the bowl and brought it back to the younger’s lips. Despite having his own soup in front of him that heat was fading from, Yongguk was completely satisfied feeding his little boy instead.

“Thank you, Daddy,” Daehyun suddenly spoke, “for making me happy. For everything.”

“Anytime, baby bear.” Yongguk promised. “Anytime.”

At the end of everything, Yongguk knows there are rough days where Daehyun feels broken, but he really doesn't mind being the one to pick up the pieces.


	4. A Seed of Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Musings of insecurity and guilt that comes with invisible illness

Mobility aids weren't unusual for Daehyun. Depending on the day, he might need braces for his knees, supports for his ankles, or a brace for his hips. Some days he needed a cane, something to lean on when he walked, something for balance. Other days he was in a wheelchair because the smallest of weight his hips had to bear sometimes made them give out. Daehyun needed mobility aids, but he hated them.

Well, he didn't hate the aids themselves. He hated the way people looked at him, either with pity as though his life was miserable or with disgust as though he was faking his disability. There was guilt that came with invisible illnesses. Guilt that comes in waves, when people look at him funny for taking for taking disabled seating on a subway. There was guilt when he parked in a handicapped spot that he knew very well that he needed. There was guilt in needing more help than mobility aids can offer.

Mobility aids helped him. They helped him live his life how he wanted to. His insecurity and doubt was like a dandelion. Somebody would take it, blowing it's seeds into the wind, because they think it will help them. Yet it only causes weeds to grow in another's yard. People would make others feel bad to make themselves feel good, not caring that it causes someone trouble. It was people and their reaction to others who appeared 'healthy' that planted the seed of insecurity inside him. They planted it within a field of crops, ripe with so many good things. It was like finding a needle in a haystack. 

 

He did not know how to remove it.


End file.
